Understanding Attachment Styles

Quotes about attachment from Pooh

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.

"Pooh," he whispered.

"Yes, Piglet?"

"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you."

It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn't heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore's house. Inside the house was Eeyore.

"Hello Eeyore," said Pooh.

"Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet" said Eeyore, in a Glum sounding voice.

"We just thought we'd check on you," said Piglet, "because we hadn't heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay."

Eeyore was silent for a moment. "Am I okay?" he asked, eventually. "Well, I don't know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That's what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All.

Which is why I haven't bothered you. Because you wouldn't want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All, would you now."

Pooh looked and Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house.

Eeyore looked at them in surprise. "What are you doing?"

"We're sitting here with you," said Pooh, "because we are your friends. And true friends don't care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are."

"Oh," said Eeyore. "Oh." And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.

Because Pooh and Piglet were There.

No more; no less.

- AA Milne


"Why Did I Do That?"

Feel More In Control by Understanding Attachment Styles

Presented by Christy O’Shoney

Everyone experiences moments of feeling out of control. At times you may find yourself lashing out at others for seemingly trivial reasons. Or maybe you notice that you withdraw from those you love, even though you’re not sure why. Whatever the case may be, it’s likely you’ve asked yourself at one point or another – “Why did I do that?”

One useful way to understand our perplexing behaviors is by looking at them through the lens of attachment. Attachment refers to the way in which our experiences with caretakers early in life may impact our sense of safety and security later on. In other words, your reactions to certain situations may have a lot to do with the environment in which you were raised. Understanding the role attachment plays in your daily life can help you become more compassionate towards yourself when you behave in ways that seem inexplicable to you. Additionally, recognizing your attachment style can help you feel less stuck in the past and more secure in the present. 

Tune into this webinar to:
- Learn about the foundational ideas of attachment theory and how early life experiences may still be affecting you
- Identify your own attachment style
- Understand how your attachment style may be impacting your relationships (romantic, platonic, or even your professional relationships)
- Discover ways to increase your sense of safety so that you can feel more in control of your behaviors moving forward


https://mytherapynyc.com/webinars/understanding-attachment-styles/

We regulate in connection but if there is trauma in childhood we have attachment injuries later in adulthood that we carry with us. Early caregiving influences attachment.
1.Secure attachment- Attunement, to create a safe space, the be able to show up and be present with child.Mutual support and co regulation.

2. Avoidant, Dismissive attachment- Parent neglects and ignores child and is vacant or not present . So the child is scared, and goes into themselves to regulate vs to the parent who does not provide it. Child then will have trouble with deep emotional connection as an adult.
The sympathetic nervous system needs to be calmed and regulated. Can lead to panic, anxiety, rage.

3.Ambivalent- preoccupied with the past, the parents are loving but inconsistent. Child anxious and worries when the next shoe will drop. Longing to connect and fear of being abandoned. As an adult expect to be disappointed, Think they have been betrayed and therefore angry, thy are hypersensitive to rejection, see everything as a slight or that people don’t like me. Need reassurance to ask for their needs in a positive way so they can get them met.

4. Disorganized- have unresolved trauma and their attachment system is trying to connect but the trauma is stopping them and they move into defense instead.As children one of the parents is scary out extremely chaotic and dysreglated. Need to learn to untangle the treat from desire to love. They numb, disassociate, withdraw or are desperately needy. They flip between avid and ambivalent. This is wired into their nervous system as a threat response. They need safety!

To feel anxious is okay- It is the courage to be with discomfort so we can be free. Astronaut was scared to death to go into space and did it anyway.


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