Attachment Injury and Repair with Couples

A humorous recap of a couple fighting while naming their true feelings underneath.

A humorous example of a couple fight. The man tries to be practical and fix the situation and the woman wants him to just listen to her feelings

Helplessness- We all need someone to lean on when we are feeling helpless and in need.

What is an Attachment Injury in a Couple and how to repair it?

An attachment injury is a "never again moment" when trust is broken, and safety shattered. Repair in therapy is needed in order to rebuild trust, to be able to put our life in partners hands again, creating safety, healing and connection. This wound was so big it needs to be taken seriously, an event that changes everything between the partners, a relationship trauma.

What happened is that when I urgently needed you, you were not there for me, abandoned me, I realized I cannot count on you, so I turn away from you or criticize/attack you.

In the therapy sessions we need to pinpoint the moment of injury, (do not minimize it or avoid it), walk around in the pain and how shattering it was to the partner, validate this. The healing must take place together, both partners must be able to turn towards each other again and share basic needs, fears, and the injuring partner must express true shame and remorse/regret for what they did.

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